Opening
Motherhood splits your capacity in ways nobody warns you about. Relationships you cherished slide out of your present, not because you stopped caring but because there is no room left, and the guilt of that quietly compounds.
What I brought to the conversation
I brought the permission mothers rarely get. Robin Dunbar's research shows our brains hold about 150 people, and when you are going through a phase like motherhood you may not have capacity for your innermost circles. Some relationships you genuinely cherish can slip to an outer sphere without being lost. Dunbar also found roughly three years of no contact and people naturally fall out of consciousness, which is why intention matters.
I was honest about my own learning. When we moved to Canada in 2021 with two children under five, I let cherished relationships drift and learned through friends' social media posts that they wished I had just told them. Now I send things personally, and I help my clients, particularly people who have moved and have no natural circle around them, do the same.
We talked about nomophobia, the fear of being without your phone, a word I found in an Indian article. My LinkedIn profile being disabled for three weeks was a reality check on my own usage.
For employers I shared the nuance behind having a friend at work. If the organisation has a part in making or nurturing the friendship, commitment to stay is far greater. And I described my tangle meditation with my five year old, dots on paper, music on, tech off, half an hour of being fully present together.
"so according to the research your closest 12 to 15 connections have the biggest impact in your health and your happiness"
The question that opened it up
Blanka asked what my biggest mistake was, the thing others could learn from. That question let me be honest about the move to Canada and about learning the hard way that close connections want to hear from you personally, not through a platform.
What that conversation confirmed for me
It confirmed that honesty travels further than polish. The mothers listening were drawn to the story of drifting bonds, not to the framework first.
Three things to try this week
- Set the intention before you open a platform. Feel the call to connect, sit with it, let a name come to you, then go straight to that person.
- Choose one channel boundary to test this week. No email and no LinkedIn after 4pm, or a full weekend off.
- Carve out one-to-one time with someone who matters and tell them in advance it is theirs.
Listen and go deeper
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTp4v9BE_gc (Renew Motherhood episode) and Shelley's site https://www.thecommuniverse.com
A closing question for Blanka's mothers: what would one hour of one-to-one time change in your week? You can map and nurture your own social ecosystem through Shelley's Social Wealth Activation programme at https://www.thecommuniverse.com/social-wealth-activation Who would you choose for that hour?